i sat in for lectures all alone. the bunch of friends whom i hang out with will nv reach before lessons. i used to text them and ask if they're reaching so i'll see if i wanna wait for them to go in together or chop sits for them. then after a couple of occasions of trying ta book places when the lect is so full tt pple are sitting on steps as the last resort. i'm guilty and had to ask them to please take up the sits i'd selfishly taken up for them.
u noe how fed up it is. i'm starting to lose some nerves and grumble at them for coming late. they brushed my kindness for reminding as a passing comments. i'm done with it. i hate their heck care attitudes. i'm so bothered by having to be with myself when they're not there. i have my classmates but they kinda dun mix with me tt much unless 'tt guy' is there. a smile or a simple gesture is the most they can give. i can't live without friends! i'm totally dependent on friends to make me smile.
usually in a group of three, one is bound to be alone. and see? i'm the one! further more, they share almost the same personality! i'm the odd one out for god sake.
i know perfectly well what kind of person i am. rejection drives me nuts and i'll be prone to mood swings and depression. not tt severe though but tt all invites mental torture! how is school life gonna be like when the most simple parties u rely on is slowly seeing ur presence as thin air.
fine. our friendship is going on fine actually. no internal conflicts, not unhappiness whatsoever. sometimes pple do get a lil sensitive. who don't?! but seriously, i'm feeling left out and secretly crying for some attention. i tag with seng guan(classmate) most of the time when they're not around. but pple think me clinging to him. i don't! we are good friends only. he has a galfriend and some pple see it as some fucking intruding bitchy business.
oh please.
sharon was asking me this morning when we're all sitting on da benches. she was with her group and i was with seng. then there's some other cliques beside my bench as well. seng was chatting with his peeps. i sat there with my handphone held on my hands and playing some dumb games to kill boredom and feeling of loneliness.
she said: where's ur brennagh and jodie
me: eh CDS?! they went off for tut
she: really? u're alone this morning
me: ha... (fake laugh)
she: u guys qurrelled?
me: NO! we didn't! why did u say tt?!
she: i tot so what
me: eh ok...
8.36pm, 161105
